Mar 03

Opinion – Why 9mm is the best mm

I’ve been carrying a Glock 26 for a long time, as it fits me well, is easy for me to manipulate and conceal, and ballistically 9x19mm has a proven track record of stopping humans from doing whatever they were doing before they gained 115-145grains of lead at a time.


Recently, redditor SCAxman put the whole story of 9x19mm as the modern defensive round in a nice neat package for us all. Repost with permission from reddit /r/guns.


I wrote a short story that explains the invention of .40 S&W and its rise to popularity despite its obvious shortcomings in a form simple enough for everyone to understand.

So a long time ago some FBI agents got into a fight with some bad men. These bad men had big guns and lots of guns and the FBI had old guns that were tired and floppy.

Because the bad men had better ideas about fighting, the FBI lost and was sad.

Some of the FBI agents said, “We’ll never be sad again if we buy new guns and lots of guns! Better guns than even the bad men had!” and they talked and talked and talked until one agent stood up shouted,

“Ah-hah! 10mm!”

You see, until then, the FBI’s guns were all 9mms, big and small. It was the clever thinking of the very special agent to notice that 10mm is even bigger than 9mm, and if they FBI bought new guns and lots of guns they would have better guns than all the bad guys ever would.

At first, everyone was very happy, and who wouldn’t be with new guns and lots of guns?

But 10mm is more than just one mm bigger, it’s also one mm meaner and one mm tougher. 10mm never plays nice.

Soon everyone got into a scuffle with 10mm and before you knew it, the FBI told 10mm to go home and stay away from their new guns and lots of guns.

But then what mm would they have? Could they ever go back to 9mm? They wouldn’t be able to use their new guns, not a lot of them. They didn’t want to use their old guns, because they were tired and floppy.

So they talked and talked and talked until one agent jumped up and shouted,

“Eureka! 10mm Short!”

For you see, 10mm had a little brother, Shorty the Forty. Forty knew his big brother was tough and gruff and that made people not like him, so Forty always did his best to play nice.

But the other FBI agents weren’t too keen to play with Shorty the Forty. “But he’s a 10mm,” they all said, “and they’re very gruff and rough, tall and short.”

Shorty the Forty was a little sad. He wanted to have new friends and lots of friends. His parents, Mr. Smith and Mrs. Glockina were a little sad, too.

Shorty the Forty had a lot of growing up to do. Maybe when you’re older, they all said.

Every summer his parents would take their sons somewhere new, in the big cities and small towns, but the 10mm family wasn’t always welcome. Mr. Smith was old and Mrs. Glockina was loud. In short, they were rough and tough, too.

Eventually 10mm grew up altogether. Mr. Smith and Mrs. Glockina and Shorty the Forty all cried and laughed and hugged 10mm good-bye, and they made a lot of noise the with each hug and each kiss.

Shorty the Forty knew he was going to miss his big brother, even though he was loud and sometimes a little buff and tough, even compared to Shorty. But he also knew this meant he was just a little more grown up, too.

But while all this was going on something very strange was happening, in big cities and small towns everywhere…

“CRACK!” went the cities, and “CRACK!” went the towns.

“BLACKS!” shouted mayors, policemen, and “BLACKS!” screamed the Crown.

King Fingers knew what was wrong and knew how to fix it, and he fast pointed his digits at 9mm widgets.

Soon the whole kingdom was up in the air, with people in cities and counties pulling out their own hair.

“They use their 9mm widgets to turn blacks into crack!” shouted the people in the cities. “Take away the 9mm and there will be no more crack!”

“We use 9mm widgets to stop blacks in their tracks!” shouted the people in the counties. “Take away the 9mm and the crack won’t ever, ever go away.”

And for the first time in a long time, 9mm was scared. Because was he nice and not rough, 9mm had friends from here to there and everywhere.

Remember, 9mm was even friends with the FBI for a very long time. 9mm was friends with the cops from DC to Rome, and played with guns made by all including Colt and CZ and wherever guns played at home.

But it was also true that 9mm was friends with TEC-9s and Uzis and for some reason MAC-10s, the guns white people knew were for blacks to make crack.

So King Fingers rapped hard with his staff and banned the TEC-9s and the Uzis and MACs. The people in the cities shouted with glee and said rap, rap, rap, harder on crack!

Crack! went the ARs and Crack! went the AKs, Crack! went the Norincos and Steyr AUGs and Crack! went the Galils.

But there was more for the king to do still. The king called all his wizards and had them cast a spell on all the guns in the kingdom.

The King’s wizards cursed all the folding stocks and flash hiders and bayonet lugs and everything else the people who cheered him on asked him to curse.

King Fingers even cursed all the magazines that held so many bullets–no matter what they were for. 9mm, 10mm, even the littlest 5.7mm magazines were all cursed by the king.

That’s when Shorty the Forty decided he needed to fight back.

For you see, 9mm and Shorty the Forty had a lot in common. Over the years, 9mm and Forty even became friends.

While things in the kingdom were all mixed up, while the Crown was just starting to rap with it’s staff, 9mm decided that it didn’t want to be tired and floppy any more.

One day, 9mm worked up the courage and asked Shorty the Forty how to be rough and tough and gruff.

Forty was surprised and said, “All these years I wanted to be more like you. People don’t want me to be so guff and rough.”

So they agreed. 9mm would teach Shorty the Forty to play nice and Forty would train 9mm to be big and strong. And that is how their friendship started.

9mm trained and jabbed and sparred with Forty until he got tough and buff, while he taught Shorty the Forty how to be polite and make more friends.

“10mm doesn’t have to be so rough,” 9mm explained. “See, I’m not as buff as you but I can do at least as much work as you when you’re not being mean and tough.”

“Good,” said Shorty the Forty. “Because I’m going to save all the 9mm magazines in the kingdom.

9mm gasped.

“But we’re going to need a little help from my parents.”

The king didn’t dare curse the magazines of the guards, the police, and the FBI agents, of course. They would have been too angry and turned their back on him, and he liked it too much when people cheered him on.

In fact, as part of the spell cast on these magazines, the mags of the guards, the police, and the FBI agents, well they could never be cracked.

Shorty the Forty knew, that with the help of his parents, he could pull the biggest trick of them all. He could get the guards and police and FBI agents to give away their magazines to all the people in the kingdom.

You see, Mr. Smith and Mrs. Glockina make magazines.

“I want you to make magazines for me and trade all the guards, police, and FBI agents for their 9mm magazines,” Shorty the Forty told his parents.

“I don’t know,” said Mr. Smith. “You’re a 10mm. 10mms are rough and guff and tough.”

“Maybe you’re right,” said Forty. “I don’t know what I was thinking. I’ll just go play alone,” he said.

His parents were amazed. “Shorty, that wasn’t gruff or tough at all,” said Mrs. Glockina. Did you learn that from 9mm?” she asked.

“He sure did, Mrs. Glockina,” said 9mm. I think Shorty’s all grown up. He’s ready.

“Now in order to win this fight, people have to think you’re tougher than me,” said 9mm.

“That won’t be hard at all!” said Shorty the Forty. “People already think I’m mean as it gets!”

“But remember, don’t be rough or tough or people won’t want to play with you.”

“I know. You’ve taught me a lot.”

“You’re ready for this, Forty. You’ve got the power to stop this mess,” said 9mm. “You’ve got real stopping power.”

In no time flat, Shorty the Forty and 9mm got to work. They went to every guard house, police station, and detective agency in the kingdom.

One by one, they got all the officers and even the FBI agents to give up their 9mm widgets. They were all convinced that Forty was the best thing ever.

“You’re the toughest and gruffest cartridge on the block,” said the guardsmen, who liked Shorty the Forty because they wanted to be rough and tough, too.

“You’re real sweet, Shorty,” said the guardswomen. “You’re the nicest 10mm we’ve ever met.”

And without fail, they all traded their 9mm widgets for new Forties, and Shorty couldn’t be happier. Because they new the old widgets wouldn’t go to waste.

9mm and Mr. Smith and Mrs. Glockina collected all the magazines until…

Until they had enough magazines for everyone in the kingdom!

The people rejoiced, they loved the big magazines and could see that 9mm wasn’t tired or floppy at all, he was even nearly as tough as Shorty was!

All the people’s happiness and excitement grew and grew and grew, until it became a powerful magic of its own.

With the people’s enchantment, King Fingers’ spell eventually faded to nothingness and all was right in the land for many years to come.

The end.

But wait, what ever happened to Shorty the Forty and his best friend 9mm?

As people learned how strong and not tired and floppy 9mm was, he became just as popular with them as Forty is with the guardsmen and guardswomen of the land.

In fact, 9mm is making friends with the guards and the police and even the FBI agents all over again. What’s in the past is all but forgotten.

And Forty is still around today, just not as tough or rough or buff at all.

So you should just fucking stick with 9mm because you get what, five extra fucking rounds per mag? Jesus, do I have to write a story about counting, too?

The end again.

tl;dr .40 S&W exists because of racism and marketing.

.40 S&W used to be a lot hotter and there was a case for it. Just the same, it got popular because Glock and other manufacturers convinced cop shops that .40 S&W was the next level stopping powah so they could buy back the used then hi-cap magazines and flip them to the public for a huge profit during the AWB.

Today it’s down-loaded for LEOs who can’t handle the extra recoil. 9mm is better than it ever was. It’s size-efficient and over-pressure loads go toe-to-toe with mainstream .40 S&W and a couple of other popular service pistol cartridges. And you get as many as five extra fucking bullets per mag FFS.

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